Let the Crazy Begin

Living in solution is a tricky thing. Many who live in sobriety after having shed the skin of addiction understandably believe in one path; one path to guide them all; one path to bind them. Understandable because it is a method of recovery that has helped millions of people the world over find a sober life and maintain it. However, it is in my experience that most of the core tenets upon which Alcoholics Anonymous is built can effectively operate without some of the other calls to action which turn many people, who are in earnest need of help, away.

It is the insistence that one must turn to a higher power, turn their will and their life over to this higher power that can turn some people off and I, for the longest time, was in that group. Mind you, I have not changed my personal views in regards to such an insistence. However, I learned (among many other things from the terrific teachings in AA) that I can step back, remove myself from the grudging defiance and see the call to accept a higher power for what it is; a realization that I am not the most important person in the room; to also find solace in the knowledge that I can be forgiven for all of my heinous transgressions; to know that I can exhale in the most trying of times, to breathe out, to relax, to accept.

To be an alcoholic is to be selfish. Indifference and apathy are defects of character that I assumed while in the throes of addiction and it was, it is, essential for my recovery to recognize that, to accept that, to grow from that. There are aspects of the Twelve Steps in AA that just don’t work for me and that is okay. I will not turn my life and my will over to a higher power. That for me is encouraging the self-victimization that I exercised in substance abuse that perpetuates weakness and a lack of accountability. This is not an indictment of members of AA who more strictly follow the Twelve Step Program. This is my perspective of what the program has to offer me and how I have used it to help me.

There will be an exhausting amount of thought-stream that I will post but it is in this way that I will begin. My recovery is ongoing, always taking on new shades, morphing into different shapes, sometimes sputtering but never far from my mind. I am happy to share it here and am happy to receive criticisms. Mine is not the only way but it is simply my way.

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