Tag Archives: motivation

How My Story Will End

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My story will not end with lies

My story will not end with deceit

My story will not end with fear or resentment

with devastation

with compulsion

with selfishness

with a feeling of lesser than

with a feeling of being broken

with addiction

 

Rather, my story will end with the 

knowledge that I made a change

that I made a commitment

that I failed repeatedly

that I learned repeatedly

that I got up, dusted myself off

and learned to love

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Time, My Greatest Resource

Setting aside time to sit down in a quiet area, to open up the laptop and to mash a few keys has been a bit of a challenge and in order to find the  appropriate amount of discipline to allot a wee bit of typing time I have discovered an undeniable truth; I am human and entirely incapable of bending the laws of time and space to my will.

Time, as it were, is my greatest resource; greater than the interwebs, greater than my countless horror stories to be told unabashedly of past inebriated transgressions, greater than my boundless sardonic views of self. Time is, as it is for everyone, precious, limited and seemingly always slipping through my hands. It is going to take time for me to develop myself as a writer, as someone who you would like to read, which, is at the core of my desires. I want to produce content that appeals to people without alienating the reader all the while striking out on a path of very pointed and determined subject matter.

The dense and abundant fuel that sets alight my desire to write  is my history of substance abuse, the defects of character, personal shortcomings, self-doubts, self-limiting beliefs, fear, above all else is fear, that gave birth to the abuse and then the shift in mindset to realize successful sobriety. Limitless is the recovery and limitless is the material it inspires. To ignite this fuel is to affect change, to provide a light for someone else to see, to know that recovery is not only possible but realistically achievable with earnest effort.

The time to exercise my fingertips as the thought un-tanglers for  this and other subjects is hard to come by. The time necessary to hone my blunt skills into something that represents an edge slightly more aggressive than a butter knife is ever elusive. In order for the greatest of athlete to reach the pinnacle of success in their given endeavor, in order for the most storied hero or heroine to inspire the stories, in order for the wealthiest of business magnate to achieve the highest tax bracket something in their lives has to give. A person is capable of accomplishing only so much during the waking hours and the pursuit of excellence, the focus, the drive to succeed allows for a finite amount of room on the ship before something needs to be left ashore. I have loved ones that like my chocolate chip cookies with the caramel Milky Way in the center (and they don’t bake themselves), algebra that needs slogging through a couple nights a week, snugs to share with my bug of love, pillow fights that reenact historic battles, daily responsibilities to self, family and home; things more important than just me.

It is my responsibility to myself and to the people close to me to do my best in a number of areas in my life. However, I realize that means that no one area will explode like Fourth of July fireworks with the Pops in the Hatch Shell on the Charles grandeur like it does in my child-like daydreams. Of course I want to be well-rounded, a jack of all trades (a tall order nonetheless) but there is still a part of me that wishes to be master of one, to excel to an apex of personal potential. This, of course, is my ego working me over in a ten round fight and I have already had a standing eight count. I know that I have a lot of work to do in all aspects of my life and my writing is just one of the punches that needs to be improved.

This leaves me to find balance. A story for another time.

In the mean time I’ll concentrate on what is within my immediate control, something I can do to sate my ego’s thirst to exercise control over something… myself. I’ll concentrate on persistence, perseverance and action; lots and lots of action.

Time is my greatest resource with which I must be gratefully resourceful.

Leave a comment. Join in with a conversation!

Do you struggle with balancing time in your life?

Are you aware of an area that pines for your attention when you may have been neglectful?

Is there a method or practice in successful time management that you can share for someone else?